A Random Discourse with my Ba after my Naming

We were talking about the name and the nature of the ruling duality that I am now aware oversees us. It is a curious thing, to speak with one's Ba--that quiet still voice within that is not quite divine yet not quite mortal, which is part of myself and yet still distinct:

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It is like gilding chaos. Its essence gilded in gold.

Baggage

[I’m home from the holidays and slowly getting caught up on e-mails, comments, and what-not…sorry for the delay folks. Internet access is inconsistent at best when I’m at home for a variety of reasons despite the relatively good internet my father has, but I digress…this post is the first of many catch up posts…]

Set and I have a thing about baggage. I’ve mentioned this before but it bears repeating: He loses my bags. Seriously. No one could possibly be as unlucky as I am in this without some sort of divine intervention. And no, the irony of this being about baggage has not escaped me.

Update

I'm still out traveling for the holidays but did manage to carve out some quiet time this evening to attend the Dua. I am looking forward to tonight's celebrations.  I also RSVP'd for tonight's naming ceremony. (I mention this because several people wanted to know when it would be.) I apologize for the late notice, but it turns out computer time is rare in this household and this afternoon was the first time I have had a chance to get online in several days. I know I have seemingly been on radio silence since my RPD, but I am doing well. This has managed to be an excellent trip home and joyful Christmas despite the obvious sadness of my mother not being here in the flesh to share it with us. (There is more to say on that later when I have had time to write a proper post) On the whole, this has been a far happier trip to the city than the prior one. It is also amusing to me that I will be attending my naming ceremony from the same room where I attended my first beginner's class lesson. There is probably some symbolism in that which I will stumble over later, I'm sure.

Take care everyone, and Happy Moomas! :)

First Thoughts on My (Awesome) Dual Parentage

It was 2006 and the silence in the late-90s Impala was stifling. The sun outside was beating down heat from above and the black tar radiated the same from below. The ancient AC of the car struggled to keep up. The sickly whirl of its fan was the only sound to cling to as I waited for her response. My ostensibly liberal Christian co-worker seemed stunned.

 Of all the religions I could say she had not been prepared for me to say Kemetic and was even less prepared for my brief explanation of what it was. It’s a modern faith that reestablishes the worship of the ancient Egyptian pantheon. I told her calmly. I didn’t say the word pagan but I could see it reflected in her eyes nonetheless. Her hands tightened on the steering wheel and my first thought was that I had just made this the most awkward Wal-mart supply run ever.

RPD Results

There is that moment when She leaves the screen to complete the divination and you are left to think and pray and bite your nails. I went over the list in my head again—the list of all the Names I was prepared to hear, the mental gymnastics I would have to do for ones I hadn’t prepared for. Because I had said in shrine, aloud, that I would accept the results, whatever they were. I trust the Nisut (AUS) and I trust the process and I had committed to it fully before entering that chat room.

So there I was in ritual whites, sitting across the room from the festival altar I’d set up for the earlier Dua, listing names that I would be able to cope with, trying not to hope too desperately for Him.

Life will go on...it must...

I will find out on Friday who I belong to—I will learn the name(s) of my parent(s). Until last night, the sheer excitement of that statement was the focus of my whole world. The Solstice and its accompanying Kemetic festival occupied the highest priority for me and I felt honored and blessed to have my RPD done on such a wonderfully bright day that has meant so much to me in the past and that deepens in meaning each year.

But then came last night.

You know, at this point? I would honestly not be surprised to find a Name associated with death in my lineup. 

Thoughts on Dejet and Neheh While Caught Waiting

Is it normal to refresh the inbox a thousand times hoping to find out the date and time? The clock on my mantel ticks softly intruding into my obsession laced digital world. It is mechanical, metered, and heedless of atomic time. It comforts me and I close the browser …

Note about the "Gift of the Curse" Series

Part 3 of Gift of the Curse is coming… eventually…but admittedly, probably not until sometime after the New Year. It’s proving more challenging to write than I had thought because I keep worrying about tone and whether I’m sounding elitist or not. I also can’t help the nagging feeling that I’m still living the conclusion of the post and trying to write about something that hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps this project was a tad ambitious given the relatively small amount of time I’ve been living with this new paradigm.

There are also other things happening which may shift my views yet again: December RPDs are getting scheduled and while I don’t yet know my specific date I do know that I will be one of those December RPDs. So needless to say…that is consuming my philosophical attentions at the moment. I didn’t figure anyone would be too disappointed if I took a short respite from the main post series to do some more RPD related entries. ;)

 [I base that last statement on the fact that the RPD tagged entries on my blog get way more page views than any other tag]

A letter about a friendship to someone I'll never send it to...

“Do you want to get together?” I asked, “This is my last weekend in town until January. I thought I’d try to give you your Christmas present on time this year.” I don’t mention anything about how you said you’d text me sometime this week, or about how you said we’d hang out last week. We didn’t and you never texted. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.  

Festivals of Light

For me, the holiday season blends into a single, extended festival of light— light guiding wise men to the hope of peace, light lasting for an impossible eight days under siege, and light returning after being vanquished at summer solstice.

Gift of the Curse: Part 2

"That millions of people share the same forms of mental pathology does not make theses people sane."- The Sane Society, by Erich Fromm

The first time I went to see her, I sat in her waiting office making a list of all the things that were wrong with me so I would remember to mention everything. After all, I thought, if I was paying this woman for every 15 min of conversation with her, I was going to make sure I got enough crazy into each visit to make it worth the cost.

A lot changes in five months.

 This time I sat making a list of all the unreasonable expectations I have grown up with. It pains me to do this, because I am both a passionate advocate for education and a loving daughter, but despite my loyalty to my family and my continuing work in public education, I am now forced to admit that both my parents and the public school system had a large hand in making me feel psychotic.