Brief Thoughts About Change on the First Night of the Mysteries of Wesir

This is relevant to what I am feeling as I contemplate the first night of the Mysteries. 

The Akhu feasted on Welsh Rarebit tonight, and partook deeply of spiced apple cider. I filled the little well on the altar almost to brimming with cool water and lit the candle, the light glowing gently against the underside of the fresh cut flowers that I keep above the little cabinet that holds their images. The occasion also saw the raising and decorating of the Christmas tree, for though I am decidedly not Christian the tree is a family tradition and a December living room would feel incomplete without it. My mother loved the lights and ornaments when she lived and so I make sure her picture faces them so she can see the beauty of them.

I decorated the rest of the apartment as well, because I have a friend coming over tomorrow and I am endeavoring to prove that grief has not destroyed me and that I am well and whole. As I search in the storage closets for things to brighten up the place, I stumble on a stack of framed photos. I pause when I see the mix of living faces among ancestors and I choke up a bit. I take them into the living room and put them on a prominent shelf. Memories surround me and I realize I have been missing those pictures. Before I found them, the room was sparkling but empty. Now it feels like home.

 This year brings so much change for me. Some of my own volition, others thrust upon me: my mother’s death, joining the House of Netjer and committing to undergo the RPD, reframing my childhood and personal responsibility in light of startling revelations about who I am…and that is only some of it! But tonight, the change I appreciate most and accept most wholeheartedly is that I have stepped fully into the role of being the steward of the ancestor shrine and the keeper of my family’s history. I may not make it to the Senut shrine as often as I ought too, but the flowers on my ancestor’s altar are always fresh and the candle is lit often and the well is drawn with cool water and the offerings are made. That is an accomplishment of which I am proud and a change I am glad for. 

As for the rest... am uncertain what the future holds, but I move forward willingly.