Noticing the Sky

The question is perhaps, whether I really need to have a single overriding purpose, and to be driven by it, in order to have destiny or if it is the nature of a being with a multiplicity of Iru to be many disparate things simultaneously and see that they converge at some point, hopefully in a way which brings something into creation that is unique to the multifaceted individual which has wrought it.

So I ask Him, because I have not asked him anything in a long while: Can I worship in as many ways as there are names and still fulfill my obligations to the whole? Yes. Can I stand within many circles of community while at the same time standing outside them all? Yes. Can I choose different careers, arts, and modalities of living and have them all contribute to a comprehensive sense of self despite them being at odds with each other now and then? Yes.

Fall has officially begun and it is that time of year when I am usually most productive. It’s that time of year when the sunlight filters at angles through the atmosphere—still strong enough to light the trees gold in the morning and evenings, but not strong enough to fill the air with heat. Light slips in its cycle and drifts way from the clock, waking me to darkness and returning me to the same long before I clock out of the small classroom where I work. Soon, we will be buried under an inundation of snow, and the fields of ice will begin collecting the water our farmers need in order to grow the next year’s crops. But for now, we still reap from the dead stalks of last year’s growth—the living still feast on the bodies of the deceased.

Things change and yet they stay the same. Students leave my room and new ones filter in to replace them. My father and brother take my mother’s place on the speed dial of my phone. The landscape of the altar changes and the icons of yesterday return in a new arrangement and their number grows, but the offerings remain as they have always been. I turn my eyes from the past to the future and contemplate change…

The chill in the air reminds me of a different night when I was led out into a field that crunched with morning ice to see the milky way spill across the sky. I felt my place in the world then—in the vastness of existence, my place was small. But knowing that did not discourage me: it comforted me and excited me. So much to see and know…I was reminded why I keep exploring, why I returned…

I pulled cards for His oracle and He left no mistake about what He intended for me. Trust the Nisut (AUS) and the community she keeps in her care, contribute to that community, believe in your multiplicity and listen to your intuition. But then a more curious thing—look toward the sky.

 Seek Nut. 

Why? Because I found my meaning in the depths of her star field once? Because my mother is ascended now, is in her keeping? Because she is the Name who presides over the year? Or is there something else? Is there something more?

I left the city because I could not see the sky. Now I live where there is nothing to obstruct my view. My mother felt the same—Midwestern skies, she said, were so beautiful. She spent her last days gazing out the window of her condo at that expanse of sky, and I sat with her and watched the same. Whenever I step outside, I look up—this has been true of me ever since I was little…there is something there for me, something which has always been wordless, but curiously, is no longer nameless. Nut.

I am surprised that I didn’t notice Her there before.