A One-sided Argument

I put the statue away and now it feels wrong. Suddenly everything feels wrong and I really don’t know why it should be that way because I thought we agreed on this.

There were storms last night and I sat watching the lighting for a long time. Even with the shrine cabinet cleaned out, rearranged, and moved to a different room…it just won’t feel right no matter how I reorder the layout. Even with the right materials out and ready for senut— with the natron made and the Kapet scented oil at hand and the ritual whites designated and clean…it still feels wrong to stand before the shrine when it is empty of his image.

I promised to keep my shrine generic and pray to Netjer during senut and not to specific Names. I get the reason for that. Distance yourself a bit from the Name that brought you to the faith because it might not be that Name that shows up in the RPD. Because you have to have an open mind when you undertake that rite of passage. Because you can’t be thinking “X is the only name I’ll accept…” or “Well, if it’s not X name then it’s wrong” and still have a meaningful and moving experience.

And I worked at that—I really did—at accepting that he might not be the one. And I understand that there is no obligation to honor one’s parent gods exclusively. I get that I don’t even have to go through RPD in the first place and that a Remetj is just as valid a role in the community as Shemsu. But I want to go through the RPD and I want to accept the results, whatever they are, as true because I want to believe in this. I want to serve the Names that created me and I want to believe that this heka preformed by the Nisut (AUS) is not fallible because I want to believe that it really is the gods directing the divination.

So if his name doesn’t come up, I want to be able to accept that. So I have distanced myself from him—and he let me…which seemed like a sign. So I ran with it. I prepared myself to accept whatever might come. I even let myself be a bit excited by the prospect that I might be wrong—that it might even be someone I’d never have expected, that there may be some other nature hidden in me that I have yet to discover despite my introspective tendencies. But as soon as I started going “gee, I wonder who it might be…” he made his presence in my life known once more—forcefully.

And all I can think is…seriously?

Open Letter to Set:

Dude wtf?

You’re the one I wanted in the first place!

 I’ve never doubted you before, but when I asked, you wouldn’t commit to coming to the RPD. I’m not trying to run from you. I’ll serve you without any hesitation. But I need a community—that’s part of being Kemetic. And I want to commit to this community—fully—and that means going through this rite of passage (and I know you understand rites of passage). If you really are the one who created me and you can’t stand seeing me give my allegiance to some other god then you know exactly how to fix this:

We both know damn well that you can make those shells fall however you want them to.

I have already decided I want to do this. I have already decided I trust this temple and I trust this Nisut (AUS). I have already decided to commit to them. I have no problem committing to you as well, but you have to meet me halfway.

You want your statue back? You want me bowing to you and only you?

Then show up at my RPD.

:P

And yes.

I did just stick my tongue out at you.