Making Room for Ivy

For a long time, there has been one source for me--no...that's not true... a handful...but small enough to have the same affect--and there has been a desire in me to trust that source. Blindly. But ironically, not fully--I hemmed and hawed and half-ignored. It's a phenomena which I have encountered elsewhere...

When we have a student at the Alt. School who needs to really "get" something, to really think about it and process it (something like "you won't be able to graduate on time if you fail this class because you didn't do the big report...so you better start it now before it's too late) It does not do to have one adult say this. It has to be said by every adult that child encounters. We have meetings to manufacture this kind of group nagging mob effect. And it isn't because we think annoying the hell out of the kid will make him do something...it's because we know how easy it is to write off what one person says and how much harder it is to write off what a bunch of people say. That's the concept behind peer pressure, after all. It is easy for any of us to ignore one voice (especially if we have little investment in the relationship with the speaker), but it is a real test of courage and self-confidence to ignore a chorus.

Now, some people would call that manipulative. I call it simple psychology. I think in the US, peer pressure gets a bad wrap.It's not always a positive effect, by any means--especially when it is used to push someone into a dangerous or self destructive action--but like so many other social mechanisms, shunning it out right because it can be dangerous is unnecessarily limiting. We need peer pressure. Because sometimes we are wrong and hearing one person or one source say we are isn't enough to convince us. Especially if we have fostered in ourselves the healthy self-confidence and self-reliance that help us stand up to negative peer pressure and stand by our personal beliefs.

 Sometimes, we need the chorus to remind us that we aren't infallible--to at least plant the seed of doubt which can grow into the tenacious ivy that crumbles our walls. I would be the last to suggest that we should lay down our defenses and shift to meet each new perspective--we wouldn't be ourselves if we did that. As one of my teachers once said, "Our minds should not be so open that our brains fall out". But we shouldn't make our fortress air tight either. Give room for the ivy of doubt to grow, I say, and if it shrivels up and dies before the wall comes down than you are only further justified. It's all about finding out where your real boundaries are.

For me, making room for ivy means hearing many voices and giving them time and attention and good faith. I may not agree when push comes to shove, but I will have at least considered the other point of view.

That is part of why I sought out the temple. There is a richness of voices there. In the lessons and Reverends and books and other members. In the forums and chat logs and websites and the many, many blogs. I add those voices to the others I have been gathering in the last few months. Seeds are planted. Doubts take root and ivy flourishes. Walls I once thought foundational prove to be ornamental and come crashing down.

And I realize now--that is as it should be.