Randomness Related to my Divine Family

Is it strange to spend an entire evening mining the archives of someone else’s life trying to find evidence of dissonance between your personalities? Or, failing that, to unearth at least some indication that you are at not walking an identical path and existing as an echo of someone else? Is it strange to be oddly comforted when you succeed?

I wonder if I am just skittish about the startling number of similarities I have with some of the other Set kids because, for so long, Set was the reason I was different and not the reason I was the same. Or maybe this is some twisted echo of my fear that well-meaning relatives are right and that I will “become my mother” someday. An extension of the terror that brews in me at the mere suggestion of the loss of identity that implies. A generalized phobia of not being unique enough to be my own person.

Not that I feel like much of a Set-kid this weekend...

My mind and my dreams are suddenly inundated with vision of Her-wer—odd considering I have little experience with Him prior to this. Honestly… I offer one little knife with a falcon carved into the handle and get filled with enough blue and white and gold to push the red right out of me for several days. I set aside the Te Velde notes when I realized that I wasn’t going to get anywhere on it until I properly addressed things with my Beloved and looked to the falcon directly. I would complain, but on some level, I know where this comes from: most of the goals I wrote were normal life things until suddenly my ba started talking at the end of heka. I foolishly wrote down what it was saying without much regard for the consequences of that.

Though speaking of my divine family…

Ra’s statue arrived today. Her-wer’s and Sekhmet’s should arrive tomorrow, weather permitting, and then I’ll be left to figure out how to properly arrange the shrine. I don’t think it will work the way I originally intended. Ra’s is smaller than I was envisioning, for some reason, though is ostensibly the correct height. He seems thin and almost frail next to the decidedly more muscled statue of Set but, because He is seated on a throne, He conveys a similar sense of power—albeit in a wholly different manner. It makes an odd contrast between the two of them when they’re placed side by side. 

 I set the Ra statue on a small riser because it seemed like it needed encouragement to take up a balanced amount of visual space in the shrine, but that only helped things on a purely aesthetic level: energetically, something still feels “off” about the whole set up. Maybe it will balance out more when the other two statues arrive. We’ll see.  Otherwise, I may have to rearrange things a bit.

Oh, and I am suddenly struck by the desire to make a bunch of three dimensional images of the Names. Especially images of Nebt-het and Ra. Also, possibly the Heru-Griffin— the one with the Lotus on the tip of its tale. And a winged Set animal. (Yes, there’s precedence for both of those images, which will be the subject of one of the Te Velde posts whenever I get around to doing that series).